Forbidden Love

by Anonymous

He turned again while lying on his bed. His mobile was on silent mode but there was no way of avoiding the SMS’s that were pouring in. Sometimes angry, sometime pleading, sometimes plain scared!

"What has happened? Why aren't you replying? What did they say?"

"Are you alright? Please baby, this is torture. Send me just one msg saying u r fine."

What would be more difficult for her? Him disappearing from her life without telling her the reason; or him facing her and telling her the truth. How did it matter? Was disappearing even an option? Where would he hide? He could change the mobile number, but what about e-mail, facebook, mutual friends. Damn this ever connected world. If only he was born in an age when Mumbai to Delhi was still too far for people to find each other. When there was no way to contact someone without knowing their addresses.

Then he could have disappeared. She would have cried over her lost love and moved on. She could at least be spared the torture he was going through. What was he feeling? Frustration? Guilt? But why guilt? What was his fault? There was no way he could have known, why was he feeling guilty? And yet, there was nothing else he could feel. This is what she would also end up feeling. For no fault of anyone. Are these the situations for which we have invented God? Somebody has to be at fault and He comes handy.

Three more messages came in. He could imagine her crying now. He should be there to comfort her. But will he ever be able to do that again? Hug her tight and comfort her when she was distressed. No, he would deliver the most distressful news of her life and would leave. Just like that.

He picked up the phone and went through the messages. He decided to write a short reply.

"I am fine. Don't worry. I will see you in the morning."

But that's not right. That'd be far too comforting. She wouldn't be prepared for what is to come. But how does he tell her what is to come?
He did not send the message. Instead, he switched off the phone. There was no question of sleeping. The events of the evening replayed in his mind.

--

"Kids these days. What all do we have to see because of them?" His father was shouting.

Father's outbursts could have hardly helped him in the tragically, bizarre situation he was in, he had rushed into his room once he realized what was going on.

Mother was equally distressed initially. "Hey bhagwan! What are we to do?"

But by now she had realized that nothing untoward had happened and situation was still controllable. They would not have to face any social embarrassment.

"Calm down. What is his fault? How could he have known?"

"Why are they in such a hurry? Can't we find a suitable girl for him? For all we know, everything has already happened. Do they care about dharma, maryada, anything these days?"

"Keep quiet now. Is this the way to talk to your children? If you are going to talk like this, what to expect from outsiders? He is a nice, cultured boy. But let me talk to him."

Mother had stepped into the room.

"Nothing has happened, right? You know how wrong it will be, don't you?"

He was frustrated beyond his tolerance, but he could not trivialize her concern. That was the only relief for him too.

"No Ma! Nothing has happened. But please leave me alone. This is not easy for me."

--
She left then. Later when she came to call him for dinner, he pretended to be asleep and did not answer. She did not wake him up. That was unusual but everything about that evening was unusual.

It was only a week back, wasn't it? He was at her place on a Saturday evening.

--

"My boss wants me to go to Delhi, as the new Region Head. It’s kind of a promotion."

She had hesitated, and then probably realized that not congratulating will be too mean.

"Really? Wow! Congratulations." She added after a pause, "You are going to Delhi?"

"Don't know. It depends."

"Depends on?"

"You."

"What do you mean?"

He dramatically got down on his knees.

"I don't have the ring, but I need to know right now. Will you marry me?"

She was taken aback by the gesture, but soon burst out laughing. "Of course, I will. Mr. Dramebaaz!"

--

The alarm went off at 4.00 am. He had a 5.30 flight to catch. Ma also got up. She fussed over his coffee and forced some breakfast down his throat in her usual way. As if nothing had happened. As if his world had not changed forever.

--

After sending God knows how many messages the entire night and after making umpteen entries tearfully in her diary, she decided to call him up at 5.00 in the morning. She guessed he'd be at the airport by now. She could safely call him up without disturbing the entire household and without causing him any embarrassment. To her dismay she found that his phone was switched off.

She thought of all the things that was wrong between them and wondered if their relationship had a future at all. But something must have gone wrong. He knows her well enough by now to not pull a nightlong prank on her.

What could have gone wrong? He had been confident before he left to meet his parents, "I will be honest. My parents wouldn't be too comfortable with the idea of love marriage you know. But we are fortunate sweetie, same caste, different gotras. They have no solid grounds to oppose. I can play a little drama to emotionally blackmail them. You just get me a nice photo of yours in a salwar kameez and no make-up."

She had decided on the same approach for her parents too. But they will be brought into picture later. One hurdle at a time.

Between crying and wondering, she drifted off to sleep at around six in the morning.

She heard the doorbell and woke up startled; when she looked at the clock she was horrified to find that it was almost eight. Damn. She would be late for office. But whatever’s happened to him. The doorbell rang again and she ran across the hall to open the door. It was him, after a night of torture, he was finally there.

She wanted to be angry, but right now knowing the reason for his behaviour was more important. She let him in silently.

He looked at her─ but she could see that his thoughts were elsewhere.

"Surabhi, your Nana's cousin lives in Bangalore?"

"My Nana's cousin? Lal Nana - yeah. He lives somewhere in the south. I haven't met them in years. But why are you asking? Does your family know him?"

"His sons? Do you know them?"

"Actually no. Only the youngest, Biku Mama─ he’s quite a legend in the family. I think he’s only a few years elder to me. He was probably the first engineer in the extended family on my mom's side. We’ve heard stories about how dedicated and hard working he is. How he managed to make it despite Lal Nana's poor financial situation. But I have never met him, why are you asking this anyway? Do you know the family? Have they said anything about me?"

"Sit down please, Surabhi."

He pulled a chair and sat down facing her.

"Now listen to me carefully. What I am going to tell you is shocking. But you have to promise me that you will pull yourself together and not feel guilty. "

"Stop it Nishant! You have tortured me the entire night. I have absolutely no patience left for your riddles. Tell me now what has happened."

"I am your Biku Mama."

Probably his voice had dropped too low - or probably she did not want to believe what she heard.

"Come again?"

"I am your Biku Mama, Surabhi. And I don't know a better way to put it to you. All that was there between us is totally inappropriate. It just shouldn't have happened and it cannot happen in future. Can you understand what I’m saying?"

A thousand expressions came and went on her face in a matter of seconds. Surprise, shock, loathing, hurt, disgust, horror, complaint ─ what not.

"Go away from here," was all she could say before she crouched and buried her face behind her knees. Why should something like this happen to her? What had she done so wrong to deserve this? Incest, she had been in danger of getting into an incestuous relationship.

"Surabhi, I am sure you will trust me when I say this. I know what you are going through. Last evening, the same thing happened to me. I was lost Surabhi. I was totally lost. I didn't know how to reply to your messages. I am sorry I caused you so much pain the entire night only to inflict a bigger pain in the morning. I am sorry. I am really sorry. But please let us help each other get through it. It wasn't our fault. It was nobody's fault. What is the point in being angry with each other baby?"

Damn, that last word was so inappropriate, but she did not seem to have noticed it. Habits don’t die overnight, irrespective of the reality. How difficult it is right now not to hold her and kiss her madly until she forgets her pain. But if he did that the pain would be worse, oh God!

"I never thought it will come to this. But really, you being here doesn't help me. Go away for now. We will meet later. Please."
He was conscious that he no longer had the right to force his way with her. "Okay. I’m leaving, but can I trust you not to do something foolish. Remember, nothing irredeemable has happened."

"Yes."

--

"The Delhi offer is still open. I have accepted it."

"Cool. Congratulations."

"Surabhi. I don't know how you are going to cope; I don't even know how I am going to do it. But both of us have to move on. Somehow. The only thing I know is that I...," he hesitated, but decided to continue, "I loved a mature and courageous girl, that’s my consolation. You’ll manage, right?"

"I will. You don't worry about me Nishant. Take care of yourself. And..."

"And?"

"If we happen to meet at some family function, we have never seen each other."

"Right."

As they took leave and turned away from each other, their brave faces crumpled and tears filled their eyes.

Image Attribution: http://www.flickr.com/photos/h-k-d/3838158206/sizes/s/in/photostream/