God Promise

by Vibha Batra

God: Earthlings lie way too much, tch tch! I want to make an example of a liar so that people are scared to lie.

Yamaraj: Why don’t we kill them all?

Chitragupta: Then there will be no one left on earth.

Narad muni: Yeah, it’s that bad!

Yamaraj: Why don’t we take human form and try drilling sense into their heads?

Chitragupta: What an idea, sirji!

Yamaraj: So you are coming along?

Chitragupta (shifts uncomfortably on his throne): Umm, err, I have some important business to attend here. Why don’t you guys go? I will hold fort.

God: Let’s do it, Yammy. Narad?

Narad muni: I’m on sick leave starting tomorrow.

Yamaraj: Looks like it’s just the two of us.

God: One minute, what do we go as?

Yamaraj: Let’s see, we are used to luxury. So it makes sense to go as film stars or bureaucrats or industrialists or…

God: Or politicians?

Chitragupta: They lie for a living, sir.

God: Won’t that be interesting? We will test ourselves. We will stay on as long as we speak the truth. The moment we lie, we will be transported back to heaven.

Yamaraj: Where do they have the worst politicians on earth?

Chitragupta (scratching his head): They are the same everywhere. In some countries though, if they make money, they do some work too.

Narad muni: Lord, go to India. Their politicians take the cake.

Yamaraj: Deal!

God: Tathastu!

Whirlpool engulfs them.

Next second, God and Yama are standing inside Mumbai’s Legislative Assembly. Swearing in ceremony is in progress.

Yama is in disguise. His assumed name Y.A.M. is called out.

He speaks into the mike: Main, Y.A.M., shapath leta hoon ki main…

His speech is rudely interrupted by a mike that comes flying on his face. Close on its heels are some murderous looking manoos. They pounce on him, rough him up and send him sprawling to God.

God: Kai zhala? Kai zhala?

Yamaraj: (groaning) You knew we were supposed to speak only in Marathi?

God shuffles uncomfortably. Suddenly, there’s an announcement in Marathi: Now, Shri G.O. Darshan will read the party manifesto.

God puts on His glasses, walks to the podium and speaks in Marathi.

God: Mahan Neta Sena will make Mumbai look like Shanghai, MNS will provide power, roads, infrastructure to every village…
The words have barely been uttered by God when the whirlpool engulfs Him and He is transported back to the heaven.

Yamaraj: (left alone and scared in the Assembly) Devaa…

Chennai based Vibha Batra has a Masters in Communication from the University of Madras. A copywriter by profession, she has worked in some of the leading advertising agencies in the country. Her first book Ishaavaasya Upanishad, a translation of her grandfather’s, (the late scholar Vishnu Kant Shastri) book, was published by Rupa and Co in 2007. Her poetry collection titled Tongue-in-cheek was published by Writers Workshop in 2008. Her collection of short stories 'A Twist of Lime' was published last year by Think Big Publishers. Her short stories and poems have appeared on various literary magazines (Dignity Dialogue, Muse India, Clockwise Cat, Long Story Short, Kritya, Asia Writes, Jaalmag) and anthologies (Vanilla Desires by Unisun and Just Plain Bad Luck by Prakash Books India). She is an avid blogger on Sulekha and is currently working on her next book, a novel.

Image Attribution: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Yama%27s_Court_and_Hell.jpg